28th Innermost Secret:
- At night, I turn into, okay, I don’t turn into anything at night, but it would be cool if I did.
I wrote this well in advance of there-entry of vampires and werewolves into pop culture. It’s like I had a crystal ball, right? No. I just like the idea of turning into something else at night, like a sleeping person or something.
29th Innermost Secret:
- I hold the title of “Viceroy of Badgers” in Norway.
I don’t know if this is a real title, but if it is, I would like to figure out how to get it. Any of my Norwegian readers care to chime in here?
30th Innermost Secret:
- The only holiday that I recognize is Australia Day.
Once in high school, I talked one of my female friends into seeing a movie with me on Australia Day. I think I tried to sell her on the idea of seeing a movie with me by calling it the “Australia Day Film Festival” even though it was only one movie and there was nothing particularly Australian about it. Also, I had no idea what Australia Day commemorated. In fact, I still have no idea what Australia Day commemorates. Other friends were going to come along, but they all bailed at the last moment, making it just the two of us. After the movie, she turns to me and says, “This wasn’t a date, was it?” The only proper answer to that question is “No. Of course not.” I don’t miss the emotional highs and lows of adolescence, and I love being married to my wonderful wife who has never asked me that question.
31st Innermost Secret:
- The 9 in my name is silent.
32nd Innermost Secret:
- I am deathly afraid of fish (but not sharks).
I actually wrote about this once. That makes it true, right? Because we aren’t allowed to lie on the internet. Right? Right?!