The series is coming to a close. One more post after this and the emotional scarring that you’ve incurred for the sake of my secrets will be done. Give thanks to your deity of choice. Of course, if you are just starting into my blog now, feel free to travel back to the beginning of my innermost secrets and let your horrors commence (Innermost Secrets 1-8, 9-15, 16-21, 22, 23-27, 28-32, 33-37, and 38-42).
43rd Innermost Secret
- I’d sell my soul if I could test drive a Honda Civic. Oh yeah!
Do you see this car? Oh Yeah!
44th Innermost Secret
I’m not really this fat. I pad, and heavily.
Is it a lot of work for no discernible reward? Sure. But is it worth it? No.
45th Innermost Secret
- I play poker with El Chupacabra on Thursdays.
There was a time a while back when I was a song writer. The songs I wrote were of a comedic, but I like to think educational, nature. One of my hits was a song about El Chupacabra. If you are not familiar, El Chupacabra translates roughly to “The Goat Sucker” and is a mythical(?) creature who preys on sheep and other animals. But rather than eating animals outright, it simply punctures the animal’s skin, liquifies its organs, and sucks out all the innards through the bite mark, leaving husks where once virile animals roamed.
I’d tell you how El Chupacabra and I started playing poker, but that is a boring story, so I won’t.
46th Innermost Secret
- I was aboard the iceberg when the Titanic hit me (I won).
47th Innermost Secret
- I’ve never understood any joke, ever.
This is true. I have no sense of humor. Only a sense of smell, which, at times, I wish I didn’t.
48th Innermost Secret
- My chest hair once tried to kill me.
Don’t ask me how. Please. Respect my privacy. Why are you even reading my secrets in the first place?