Basement Editorial | Bad Advice with Chico Martinez | Fashion

I happened across another edition of The Parable, the His House Christian Fellowship newsletter. So, here’s another article of Bad Advice with Chico Martinez (the first is here).

800px-BathingMachineDontBeAfraidWith summer just around the corner, we are all soon to see the summer fashion editions of the morning “news” programs. As your resident man of the people, I figured I would save you the trouble of waking up early and listening to annoying, overpaid, and chipper morning people. And if you are worried that you may not be getting the truth from me, just keep in mind that I’m not getting paid for my opinion. I’m not getting paid at all. I’m so poor. Please, someone just help me out… Okay, anyway, on with the summer fashion advice. This year, Chico can help you be Muy Caliente!

  1. Following the fashion trends of yesteryear, first we had the bell bottoms of the 70’s, then a rehash a few years ago. Then if you remember, we hit the 80’s, but rather than advise anything from the 80’s (except Stryper of course), we are going to skip ahead to the next fashion trend. Hammer Pants! You know you had a pair and if you still have that pair, whip ’em out! I don’t care if it was ten years ago and you are mucho grande now, Chico has spoken. Hammer Pantalones es muy In!
  2. Swimwear you say? Chico has the skinny on swimwear (figuratively of course, Chico is not a skinny man). Think back with me to the 20’s and 30’s. Those were the good old days of swimwear, when men wore full-length red-and-white striped swimsuits, and ladies wore full-length gowns (Chico doesn’t remember what the ladies wore, but he thinks that full-length gowns sound pretty good). Well, it is time for a little bit of that old-timey goodness again. Water, prepare yourself for the red-and-white striped cannonball!
  3. Why not does something new? Something no one has done before? Let’s get creative here… I’m proposing a new piece of clothing never thought of before. I think I’m going to call it a “t-shirt”. This is what it looks like. It has one large hold in the bottom that fits around your waist, a hold for the head and two “sleeves” for the arms (each “sleeve” has a hold for the “arms” to go “through”). It is made of lightweight cotton-like material and maybe it could have a logo or words or a picture on it, but it doesn’t need one. Anyway, I’m pretty sure that my “t-shirt” idea will be an instant classic!

And with that, Chico does it again! Pure genius as usual. And to all of you who are thinking that I’m just some crackpot bent on bringing people down to my own reviled social status… ummm… you might be wrong?! Well, until next time, keep your pants high and your socks pulled up, and don’t forget the wisdom of Chico when you go shopping at the Goodwill (like I do) for your new summer look. Adios mis compadres!

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