Bad Advice with Chico Martinez | What should I have for dinner?

You asked for it, so here it is: a regular series of Bad Advice with Chico Martinez.

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The problem of what to eat for dinner has plagued man ever since he had the luxury of more than one option. It is a question that comes up at least once a day, which, though common, is no easier to answer the more times it is asked. There are so many factors that go in the decision (Do I have nutritional considerations? Do I like cooking? How much food can I afford? Is it even edible?), one can despair to even consider eating a third meal. But fear not compadres! Chico has three foolproof ideas to help you decide what to eat tonight!

  1. First, are you close with any friends or family that might invite you over for dinner tonight? If yes, problem solved! Invite yourself over and eat whatever they are eating. If you have no friends or family close enough to show their love of you through a home-cooked meal, go make some friends (making family may take longer) and invite yourself over!
  2. Shopping_cartBut what if your friends and family invite you over for something gross (like fish, ew)? Fear not. All you need is a trip to the grocery store. Wander the aisles and listen to your stomach. But don’t forget to listen to your wallet too! Remember, grocery stores make the most money selling food to hungry people. That is why instead of looking on the shelves, you will be looking in other people’s carts. If you find one filled with delicious food, strike up a conversation with the muchacho or muchacha pushing that cart. Play your cards right and you’ll be enjoying the dinner that you wanted, but on someone else’s dime. (Granted, I’ve never had this work for me, but that’s not to say it can’t work for you.)
  3. 640px-Value_menu_hamburgersStill afraid that you need to rely on your charms to eat? Fear not, hungry Gringo. This last idea is perfect for people with no social skills whatsoever. Simply find and wear a uniform to your favorite fast food restaurant (you can find just about anything in thrift stores), walk in and start “helping” people by clearing their trays. If a person complains that they aren’t done with their food when you are trying to clear the tray, they may try to complain to management. But hey, what can they do? Fire you? You don’t even work there. El plan perfecto!

And there you have it. Now you can tuck in to a perfect meal without even dipping into your pocketbook! Buen apetito!

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Do you need some bad advice? Write your question for Chico in the comments and it may get answered soon!

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2 responses to “Bad Advice with Chico Martinez | What should I have for dinner?

  1. When I saw the title I thought perhaps the answer would be ‘anything except a 1/2 cup of chili powder’…

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