More Innermost Secrets

I only use my cell phone to talk (out loud) to people.

I don’t text or take pictures. I don’t use the internet on my phone. I just use it to talk, mostly to my wife. I’d be just as happy with a tin can and string combo if it got decent reception.

I was one of the original cast members of Full House until the studio decided they needed someone older to play Uncle Jesse.

I was discovered after appearing in a commercial for a local business. I was pretty bummed when the studio called me to let me know I wasn’t going to be Uncle Jesse. Oh well. It isn’t like I hold a grudge against that freak of nature, John Stamos.

Before I found out what it really meant, I thought the phrase “getting hammered” had something to do with getting drunk.

But now I know better. PS – Don’t ask me what it really means.

When playing “Rock, Paper, Scissors”, I only ever use Rock.

Seriously, when has Paper ever beaten Rock in real life? That’s why people use rocks as paperweights, not just more paper. If you are thinking about bringing up paper cuts, I’m way ahead of you. Rock cuts hurt too.

Striped_skunkI was once sent home from work because my smell was putting off customers.

True story. After an ill-timed run-in with a skunk, my wife and I foolishly let our dog, Cole, back into the house, where he promptly wiped his stinky body over every inch of our flooring and any clothes he could reach in our closet. The reason that we let him in was because we didn’t realize that it was a skunk at first. The incident happened just after we started using an invisible fence system. My wife saw Cole chase an animal toward the edge of the yard, but never saw them connect, nor did she see what the animal looked like. She only saw our dog hit the edge of his perimeter, then start freaking out and acting like his shock collar thing was killing him. In reality, the animal was a skunk who just happened to spray him directly on his shock collar.

This all happened in the early, early morning.

By the time we got the dog cleaned up (but before we got a chance to clean every square inch of our home), it was time for us to go to work. We showered and dressed, sniffed at each other, and headed out the door. Of course, our sniff test failed because by that time, we had lost our nasal sensitivity to how bad we stunk. I was at work for maybe an hour before my boss came over and said, “Josh, you smell terrible. Customers are complaining. You need to go home.”

So I did.

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3 responses to “More Innermost Secrets

  1. I’m not sure what to say about this accumulation of information. Only you could combine John Stamos and skunk smells in one blog post.

    This is why I read your blog, and one of the reasons we’re friends.

  2. Pingback: More Innermost Secrets | Josh Mosey | Writer·

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