In the debated between boxers and briefs, I say “Depends.”
Like the adult diaper. Get it? I’m hilarious. No, I’m not. That was a hurtful thing to say about people who can’t even control their own bowels. See my video apology here.
I may or may not be fluent in Dwarfish.
Not High Dwarfish though, just Low Dwarfish. “What is the difference?” you ask. More grunting.
I mean, you guys are on Facebook too, right? You’ve seen the photos that people put on there of babies. Are you going to tell me that you haven’t had the same thought? There are some seriously messed-up looking babies out there.
P.S. If we are Facebook friends and you have recently posted baby photos, obviously I am not talking about you or your baby. Your baby is wonderful and beautiful and/or handsome. I’m talking about the other babies. You know the ones.
I horde emails.
It’s a problem. I have well over 1,000 unread emails just sitting there in my inbox, mocking me every time I am brave enough to log in to my email account. I think I’ve decided to stop calling it my inbox and start calling it my “unread email collection.”
The first thing I did upon arriving at my new job as assistant director of a camp in Montana was break the toilet.
True story. Sorry again, Dale. I’d like to blame the state of Nebraska. Traveling is never good on the bowels, but when a person has to travel the length of that God-forsaken wasteland, his insides revolt in unexpected ways. Mine waited until I stopped in Montana before they unleashed the porcelain-cracking fury that was my movement. Okay, no porcelain was cracked, but it did overflow a bit. After it was replaced, I used the broken one as a flower planter on my trailer’s porch. So, you know, I’m pretty fancy.