As I was looking through my blog history, I realized that my last two Monday posts went from “I am not a Manly Man” to “I am a Disney Princess“. So, I feel the need to say that this was an unintentional trend.
To set the record straight, I’d like to reassert my manhood by stating a few things clearly.
1. I enjoy attending live hockey games. I recently had the opportunity to attend a Grand Rapids Griffins game courtesy of some friends. The seats were right next to the ice near the goalie and couldn’t have been better. The Griffins scored the first point of the evening. It was glorious. And though they lost the game to the Hamilton Bulldogs, as far as the fights went, I believe we gave as good as we got.
Hockey is my favorite sport to watch in person. Unlike baseball or football where ten seconds of play is followed by five minutes of whatever else, hockey is a game that is always in motion. The time doesn’t even stop when players trade places on the bench. The puck flies from one end of the ice to the other and can be back again a few seconds later. Plus, what other sport features fighting like hockey? It’s the best.
2. I own a sword. Some guys are gun guys, sure. That’s fine. If you want to kill from a distance without watching the light of life leave your victims eyes, that’s between you and your maker. Me? I like the sword. It’s like a knife, only bigger. (Again, be intimidated future suitors of my daughters.)
3. I only find it comfortable to cross my legs as I sit by placing my ankle over my knee, creating a flattened table-like area on my lap. I’ve tried other forms of crossing my legs when I sit and find them all excruciating. How does a man sit in such a feminine way without injuring himself? I don’t get it.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go tend to my beard, wrestle a grizzly, and chop down a tree. Have a great week!