I am 32 – or – 32 Things I’ve Learned in 32 Years

You don’t have to take my advice. That’s fine. Feel free to learn these things the hard way.

  1. Go to the bathroom when you have a chance. You don’t know when your next chance will be.
  2. Read the directions all the way through before beginning anything.
  3. Pay down as much as possible on any debt you have and you’ll end up paying a lot less money overall.
  4. If you can’t afford it, don’t buy it.
  5. Be nice.
  6. If you don’t know if something is okay to say aloud, don’t.
  7. When your waiter comes to collect your bill, ask for a drink in a to-go cup to take with you.
  8. Read a lot of books.
  9. Never lend your signature to a document that you don’t understand.
  10. If you don’t know something, ask.
  11. Always threaten to cancel your internet service when your provider hikes your rate.
  12. Never gamble on a fart.
  13. Find someone you trust and talk out your problems regularly.
  14. Set aside time every day to do something that fills you.
  15. Think long and hard when you are considering a pet if you really want a pet for their whole lifespan (complete with all the vet bills when they are old).
  16. If someone offers you a mint, accept it.
  17. Do your research before any major purchase.
  18. Compliment your spouse in public and in private.
  19. “We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.” – Kurt Vonnegut, Mother Night
  20. Never stop learning.
  21. Libraries are wonderful places. Visit libraries as often as possible.
  22. Accept gifts gracefully. Refusing a gift makes the giver feel bad.
  23. Respect the people over you and they’ll likely return it.
  24. Don’t be afraid to make a fool of yourself from time to time.
  25. If you are going to have a vice, make it an inexpensive one (like reading).
  26. A baby’s first filled diaper is a terrifying thing, but it is completely normal. Don’t freak out.
  27. Never ask a woman about her pregnancy unless you are 110% sure that she is pregnant. And even then, it’s probably not a good idea. Maybe if you are the baby’s father. Maybe.
  28. Don’t spend all of your time staring at screens.
  29. If something angers you, walk away from it until you calm down.
  30. Say thank you.
  31. You are never as alone as you imagine yourself to be.
  32. You can never say “I love you” too much.

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