If I were the last man on earth…

My wife and I aren’t big television watchers. In fact, we had to think for a few minutes the other day on whether we actually still owned a TV or not (We do, by the way. It is upstairs in the room that is too cold in the winter and too hot in summer and neither of us think it is actually plugged in.).

"The Last Man On Earth" by Source. Licensed under Fair use via Wikipedia

“The Last Man On Earth” by Source. Licensed under Fair use via Wikipedia

But I’d been hearing some online buzz about the new FOX show starring Will Forte, The Last Man on Earth.

If you haven’t seen any episodes, stop reading my blog this instant and go watch some.

Okay, now that you are probably all caught up, let’s talk for a few minutes about what my wife or I would do if we were the last person(s) on earth.

I asked my beautiful wife, DeAnne, what she would do in that situation (she was mortified, by the way, by just about everything Forte’s character does on the show). At first, she gave me a sad answer about how eventually, she would stop eating and waste away for lack of human contact. What a downer! But then the truth came out.

She would try on wedding dresses. Hundreds and hundreds of wedding dresses. And with no one there to judge her or stop her, she would wear them everyday. Heck, if I were the last man on earth, I might try one on too, just for the fun of it.

Also, she would clean. She would clean everyone’s house (much like Wall-E did in the Pixar film of the same name). Except for the ironing. If anything needed ironed, she would just burn it. My wife isn’t big on ironing unnecessarily.

When she asked me what I would do, I told her that I would probably rifle through everyone’s stuff, just to see what they have and/or are hiding. I don’t think I’d do this to family members or close friends whose secrets I would want to leave alone, but everyone else is fair game. Also, I cannot tell you how much junk food I would eat if no one were around to stop me.

I would probably die an embarrassing death all alone by choking on Oreos (since I wouldn’t have any fresh milk to wash it down), but what a life I would have led; fat on secrets and junk food.

What would you do if you were the last person on earth?

Last-Man-on-Earth-Will-Forte

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4 responses to “If I were the last man on earth…

  1. LOL. Hmm. Definitely drive to the hockey hall of fame (in Toronto) using a tank or wicked fast sports car, steal famous pucks and sticks from hall of famers then head on down to Joe Louse Arena and pretend I was a player on the red wings and give myself a ridiculous introduction I’d scream out.

    That and go to the library of congress. I imagine there is some room with manuscripts you cannot touch. I’d rifle through all of them. Then get a bunch of non spoiled convenience store junk food and head to the white house for a bit and pretend I was a king or something. (I’m thinking I won’t be able to fly a plane to cooler European destination)

    After hanging out there. I’d learn to sail (in a lake first) and probably die while trying to make it to Antarctica. Always wanted to go there.

    Ah, what a life.

    • It’s okay. The ice will all be melted away by the time you’d get there. Besides, you’d have to rename it the Bob Evenhouse Arena anyway.

  2. I think deAnne’s idea is way cool. But I wouldn’t do that. If it was still standing I would go on a self guided tour of the White House, CIA, NSA , and Congressional offices and the Pentagon to sneak a peak at the super secret classified docs – if they still existed. Then I would try to find other people to be sure I’m alone, and if I really am, I’d become a nudist with sunscreen! LOL. I’d really hope alone would me us as a couple not just me.
    Question, why no milk for the Oreos ? Wouldn’t you help out those poor cows so they wouldn’t hurt?

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