Let’s Talk about the Tauntaun in the Room.

I haven’t seen Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens. I have no idea when I’m going to see it. I may not even see it in the theater.

Oh, I want to see it. No one needs to force me (see what I did there?), but I have reasons why I it isn’t the top thing on my priority list.

Theater prices are outrageously expensive for how ridiculously cheap I am.
If I had the time to see a movie in the theater, I’d have time to finish painting my house. Only one of these activities will help me put my house on the market sooner.
I would either need to sacrifice time with my kids in order to see it or I would need to bring them with me and I don’t think I’d be a very responsible parent or anyone’s favorite fellow patron should I bring two girls less than six years old apiece to watch it with me (run-on sentences are great!).
Lastly, I’m a nominal fan of the Star Wars franchise at best. I enjoy Episodes IV through VI, like any normal person should. I like the classic storyline of a gifted orphan with a ragtag group of friends who must accept his fate, hone his skills, and face the ultimate evil in order to rescue life as we know it (think of how many books I just summarized there). But I was raised on Star Trek: The Next Generation (and then Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (and then Star Trek: Voyager)), so I’m more drawn to J. J. Abram’s OTHER iconic space series (not that I saw those in theaters, either (also, I’m not judging the next film in that franchise by its recently dropped trailer, because even the cast didn’t like the trailer)).

With this confession, I have a brief request. Please don’t spoil it for me. And if you think that you may not be able to help it, sneak me and my wife out of work one day (so we don’t miss out on any additional time with our kids) and pay for us to go see the film.

Just a thought. May the force be with you.