The Squirrel Experiment Continues – Days 21-28

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Experiment Day 21 – The squirrels have proven their worth. Two of my corn cobs are gone. My scientific study is paying off.

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Placing the two additional corn cobs on the branch seemed to do the trick. Given that the squirrels still haven’t touched the original test cob, a few scenarios are possible.

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The original cob may have been inherently undesirable (which I doubt, because they have never before turned their little squirrel noses up at free food. That makes me think that the problem was having the cobs at an accessible distance to the tree.

I’m going to leave that last cob up anyway and see if they try for it or not.

* * * * * * * * * *

This post was supposed to go live last Friday, but it didn’t. In the time between when it should have gone live and now, the squirrels have captured my final cob.

As a congratulations, I have decided to stock their original feeder with 4 large corn cobs. Hopefully, this will also smoothe over any ill will on their part for forcing them to take part in my study.

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The conclusion of my experiment is this: I am disappointed that I did not get to see any squirrels fall off of my tree. And I can’t be sure that it wasn’t actually my neighbors (or wife) who took the cobs down one at a time to make me think that it was the squirrels. Oh well.

What should I do for my next experiment?

The Squirrel Experiment Continues

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Experiment Day 12 – As of yet, the squirrels have not decided to participate in my scientific study.

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Perhaps the corn is too far from the tree. Perhaps it is too far from the ground.

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So I’m going to adjust some variables. I’ve added two more cobs. One closer to the branch. One closer to the ground. Both closer to the trunk.

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We all really want to see a squirrel take a diving leap and fall on his face. You know, for science.

Experimenting with Squirrels

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“For Science!”

That’s what I told my wife when she asked why I had tied an ear of corn to the tree in our front yard with some string. Well, technically, I tied it up there with dental floss, because we had just visited the dentist’s office and what else are you supposed to use it for?

“The neighbors are going to think there’s something wrong with us,” said my beautiful wife.

“No, they won’t,” I assured her. “If anything, they’ll think there’s something wrong with me. You are too pretty to have anyone think bad things about you.”

“Just explain to me the science part of what you’ve done here,” she said.

“Um,” I started. “I want to see if the squirrels want the corn badly enough to risk shimmeying down the floss to get it.”

It isn’t like I’m starving them. You’ll notice that I filled their regular squirrel feeder at the same time as I tied the experimental ear of corn up. I’m not cruel, you know. And so what if I’m going to hold off on restocking it for a few days after all the corn is gone? It’s my corn and my feeder and I don’t have to share if I don’t want to.

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“You just want to see a squirrel fall off the tree,” she said.

“For Science!” I exclaimed again. “Besides, just imagine how funny it would be if we were here to see it.”

“Okay,” she agreed. “It would be pretty funny.”

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*Portions of this conversation may or may not have happened like this in real life. I’m terrible at remembering how these things actually go.

More Innermost Secrets

I escaped from the zoo at the age of six.

Truth be told, I think the zoo keepers left my cage open on purpose. Now that I think about it, I’m not even sure it was really a zoo.

sweet-cornI lost 10 lbs. in one week once on the “Corn Diet”.

In college, my friend Dan and I would always joke about the “Corn Diet”, a diet consisting entirely of varying forms of corn. Corn on the cob, frozen corn, creamed corn, corn pops cereal. The theory was that you could lose a lot of weight on this diet because corn seems to pass through human bodies without changing form. So your stomach would be full, but your body would have to burn the fat on reserve because the corn would only be acting as a filler. We never tried the diet though, because we thought that the last part of the corn’s journey through us would be painful if it only consisted of corn.

Sometimes, at night, I dress up in a large skunk costume and run around my back yard.

Mainly, I do this just to freak out my dog, who once got sprayed in the face by a skunk in my back yard. Secondarily, I do it because it is fun and good exercise.

I learned the hard way that you cannot make more money simply by cutting it in half.

Quarters are really hard to cut in half anyway, and nothing ever costs 12.5 cents. Oh, yeah, and stores complain when you hand them a dollar bill that has been cut in half.

I also learned this about neighbors.

The best you could hope for is that your old neighbors, whom you cut in half, would move on and be replaced by whole neighbors. More likely, you will go to jail where you will not like your new neighbors at all.

Squirrel Farmers

No, I’m not talking about raising squirrels for meat. I’m talking about the fact that the squirrels in my yard are growing corn in my flowerbed.

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Not exactly knee-high by the 4th of July

When my wife first gave me my squirrel feeder, she joked that I was trying to get the squirrels to depend on the food I gave them instead of nature’s bounty, and that as soon as I stopped feeding them, they would die. But it turns out that the squirrels are more self-sufficient than either of us realized. They took the corn that I was feeding them and planted it, growing more for the rough days ahead so they would be taken care of in spite of me.

Teeny tiny corn cob

Teeny tiny corn cob