Bad Advice with Chico Martinez | Mother’s Day Gift Guide

Día de la Madre is next Sunday. That’s right. Mother’s Day!

If you don’t have a mother or know any mothers or have no concept of what a mother is, don’t worry about missing this holiday. Also, Chico feels muy malo for you. For the rest of you, don’t you dare forget to make a big deal for your mom on this special day. She brought you into this world and if your mom is like Chico’s, she has been threatening to take you out of it every day since you moved back in with her. Economía estúpido!

Anyway, if you don’t know what do get your mom this Mother’s Day, Chico has Cinco Ideas for you.

  1. Pinus_gordoniana_illustrationAre you thinking of getting your mom some pretty flowers? Think again! Flowers are muy overdone. Think bigger! Think trees! But Chico, you ask, how am I going to give a big tree to my mother? I’m glad you asked. Think smaller! Pinecones are a great compromise. They turn into trees and they look like little trees.
  2. Let’s get back to the classics. Every mother wants a book of homemade coupons. But why include coupons for things that she doesn’t need? Let’s get practical. How about a coupon for helping her figure out how to email people? Maybe one good for an hour of listening to her talk about some distant friend’s surgery? Maybe put on in there for a remote control tutorial? Your mom will love it!
  3. And since we are talking about homemade gifts, let Chico throw this one out there: Homemade Romantic Comedy Video. If there are two things that mothers love, it is sappy romance videos and their own children. No, I’m not suggesting any brother/sister romantic situations. Asqueroso! What I am saying is that you can use Mother’s Day as a strategy to romance that special lady that you’ve had your eye on. If you ask her to help you make a homemade movie for you mom, is she really going to turn you down? No! She is going to see that you are the type of man for her. Now get to filming those love scenes! (You can always edit out any graphic content later. Your madre doesn’t need to see that.)
  4. mines_of_moria_legoHave you considered the fact that one day your mother will die? Not a happy thought on this Mother’s Day, but keep in mind that anything you give her, you are going to get back one day. Do you really want to increase the size of her porcelain figurine collection if it’s going to end up on your shelves? Why not get her things that you both want, like power tools, Lego sets, and Terry Pratchett books?
  5. Lastly, what does every mother really want? That’s right. Nietos. Grandchildren. This is a tricky gift though, with a lot of clauses. Perhaps you aren’t ready to have kids? Maybe you are still in school, or you are too old, or you are too ugly. That’s all okay. Just find someone who has children already and borrow them from time to time. Teach them to call your mom “Grandma” and all will be well.

That’s all I have this time. If you don’t like Chico’s advice, oh well.  Just don’t forget to do something for your mom next Sunday! Hasta la próxima!