And so we wend our way down the back alley of my past, baseball bat at the ready should something jump out from one of the darker shadows. If you are just joining us, you may want to start at the beginning (Innermost Secrets 1-8, 9-15, 16-21, & 22).
23rd Innermost Secret:
- I don’t know how to read (or write).
24th Innermost Secret:
- Sometimes I feel hungry. Otherwise, I’ve no feelings at all.
This is true of all men, not just me. Next time you see a man emoting, congratulate him on his acting ability. Either that, or call him some medical attention. Or both.
- Every girl in camp is on my Top 5.
I don’t remember who started the Top 5 thing, but it went like this: Male staff would rate the female staff and come up with the five they would most like to be with romantically. The girls rated the male staff in the same way. It was mostly a good-natured thing where everyone wanted to be on everyone else’s Top 5 list. Of course, anytime you aren’t on someone’s list, it hurts. In truth, I wasn’t really ready to be a good boyfriend while I was at camp anyway, so I should have avoided the game altogether. I’m at least glad that I was all-inclusive.
- I wear a toupee.
Technically, it is two toupees.
27th Innermost Secret:
- I’m really the Arts & Crafts Director.
Not really. I really was the Visiting Groups and Weekends Director. But it has always been my dream to be an Arts & Crafts Director. No, that’s a lie. It has always been my dream to be ten feet tall and have a backpack that dispenses frozen Coke whenever I want it. But neither of those dreams is coming true any time soon.