Let us delve deeper into the murky past and discover that tawdry secrets locked up in my notebook from one decade ago. If you are just joining us, you may want to start at the beginning (Innermost Secrets 1-8, 9-15, & 16-21).
22nd Innermost Secret:
- 21st Innermost Secret is actually true.
I was in 8th grade when I had the paper route. One of the worst parts is that it wasn’t even my paper route that the old lady was on. I was covering a friend’s route while he and his family were on vacation. The woman was a shut-in, so you actually had to deliver the paper in the house. The protocol went like this: Knock on the door, enter, announce yourself, walk into the kitchen, the old lady was probably watching television in the kitchen, greet her, and every Friday you would get a 3 Musketeers candy bar.
What happened while my friend was on vacation was this: The first few days proceeded according to plan. The fourth day, the old lady was not in the kitchen when I arrived. Oh well, I thought, everyone has to go to the bathroom sometime. I announced that I was there and I left the paper sitting on the kitchen counter.
The next day was the same, except it was raining, so all of the papers I was delivering were stuck in water-proof bags. I saw the paper from the day before sitting there, but didn’t think much of it. It didn’t register that the paper had not moved an inch.
The third day that the lady wasn’t there, I noticed the first paper with the second bag-wrapped paper on top of it in the same position as the day before. It was once again raining, so my mom was taking me around on the paper route in the family van. At seeing the papers as they were and not seeing the old lady with a candy bar ready for me, I went out and got my mom.
My mom ventured into the house a bit further and discovered the old lady dead in the bathroom. This was before the age of ubiquitous cell phones, so she went over to a neighbor’s house to call 911. The paramedics came and apparently the woman had been dead for a while.
“Didn’t you notice the smell?” ask people when they hear this story.
Well, here’s a little known fact about the elderly. They always smell a bit like decay anyway. So the distinction between nearly deceased and deceased was so subtle that my nose did not pick up on it.
If you are elderly and reading this, I’m sorry that you had to find out this way. But now that you know, maybe take this news into consideration when asking for hugs and kisses from your family members. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t. Just make them short.
Anyway, that’s the truth of the matter and the story behind my 22nd (and 21st) Innermost Secret(s). Stay tuned next week when I will likely talk about a whole batch instead of just one (or two)!